(2023-04-11) Obrien How To Become Nonreactive

Melli OBrien: How to become non-reactive. The science behind reactivity

When you feel threatened or scared in any way (whether it’s a rude comment, a misfortune, or an argument) a part of the brain called the amygdala automatically activates the fight-or-flight response.

The amygdala can also disable the brain’s frontal lobes – the more evolved and what some refer to as the ‘smart’ part of our brain.

When this happens you can’t think clearly, make rational decisions, or control your responses. Control has been ‘hijacked’ by the amygdala.

it can also be triggered by psychological threats. Such as when we think worrying or anxious thoughts.

But there is a powerful way that we can train in calming the amygdala and bringing the frontal lobes back online.

We can become non reactive by using a tool psychiatrist Dan Siegel likes to call the ‘name it to tame it’ technique

Research shows that by mentally noting or labelling difficult emotions as they arise, you can experience up to a 50% reduction in the intensity of emotion. Not only that, but it brings the brain’s frontal lobes back online

now you can respond with calm, clarity and effectiveness

By labelling an emotion in this way, what we’re doing here is creating a little bit of mental space.

By recognising a strong emotion when it arises and naming it, we create a space in which we can step back from the emotion and observe it in a different way. Then we can respond instead of reacting to it

Try taking a deep slow breath (breathing) to calm your nervous system, and then ‘name it to tame it.’ Just say to yourself mentally ‘Ok, anger is here’, or ‘Ahhhh, fear is here’, or ‘Sadness is here’ – whatever the emotion is.

When you have a difficult conversation with a loved one and you feel anger arising, you’re able to pause before saying something you may later regret.