(2018-01-13) Rubin How To Be A Rebel

Gretchen Rubin: How to Be a Rebel. Every single day, all day long, each of us faces outer expectations and inner expectations — and we must decide, “Should I meet this expectation or resist it?” In a nutshell, my Four Tendencies framework distinguishes how people tend to respond to these expectations: outer expectations (a deadline, a “request” from a sweetheart) and inner expectations (write a novel in your free time, keep a New Year’s resolution).

Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense–essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.

I was most surprised by what I learned about Rebels, who are the opposite of me, an Upholder

For Rebels, the answer is always clear: Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike. They want to do what they want to do, in their own way and in their own time, and if someone asks or tells them to do something, they resist. They don’t even want to tell themselves what to do — they resist expectations imposed from within as vigorously as those imposed from without.

Rebels want to act from a sense of choice, freedom, and self-expression. Rebels wake up and think, “What do I feel like doing right now?”

Rebels were most likely to give the answer: “Usually I don’t choose to bind myself in advance to a particular course of action.”

Rebels have incredible strengths. Rebels do something because they choose to do it, and so they’re free from many of the pressures that the other Tendencies face. Rebels tend to enjoy meeting challenges, when they can meet those challenges in their own way.

Rebels also take great pleasure in defying people’s expectations

At times, the Rebel Tendency is enormously valuable to society. As one Questioner pointed out, “The Rebels’ best asset is their voice of dissent

Rebels place a very high value on authenticity and self-determination, and want their lives to be a true expression of their values. Others can find it very freeing to be with Rebels, because they’re so in touch with what they want and have no trouble refusing obligations

As an Upholder, I’ve learned a tremendous amount from studying my “opposite,” the Rebel. If I refused to get up before 10:00 each morning, my family and my colleagues would adjust. If I decided I’d wear yoga pants and running shoes every day for the rest of my life, I could get away with that. We’re more free than we think.